alexieileen

Q & A with Mama Lex

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:52:27 -0600

Do you still paint/draw/create? Haven’t seen anything from you in a while.

I know! I haven’t done any leisurely stuff since April 2009, and that’s sort of ridiculous. My pal, Allyson, and I were just discussing how we don’t do anything anymore. The only things I’ve done lately were props and costumes for the children’s theatre company I help out, and that doesn’t really count. I was looking at items in my family’s storage unit last week, and I found a bunch of paintings I made in high school and grade school. It doesn’t matter that they’re terrible…it was cathartic and relaxing to sit in my bedroom and make them. I do have a few items on the art agenda currently. I will have to put aside some time to actually do it. You’ll be the first to know when these things are completed.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would?

I’d imagine it would rely heavily on the characteristics of the woodchuck, the wood, and the time period in question.

Ariel or Jasmine?

Let’s see. Ariel changed herself drastically — at great risk — to be with a man she barely knew, with whom she had never spoken while conscious. However, she’s a MERMAID. Then there’s Jasmine. She was true to herself (though she feigned common status every now and then for kicks). You know, I really hate when you do this to me. Hmmm. I have close ties with both films, and I did have both Ariel AND Jasmine Barbie dolls when I was wee…but for the time being, my love for Aladdin is greater. So, Jasmine is the winner because she’s “one jump ahead of the slowpokes, one skip ahead of my doom (next time gonna use a nom de plume). One jump ahead of the hitmen, one hit ahead of the flock…I think I’ll take a stroll around the block.”

Also, holy crap. I quote this sand-tiger from the Cave of Wonders, in his scraggly voice, entirely too much for a twenty-three year old woman:

Oh! I also laugh every time I hear the part in “A Whole New World” where Aladdin is like, “DON’T YOU DARE SHUT YOUR EYES!” Abusive relationship on the horizon, right?

Ask me a thing or a thang, if you feel so inclined.

GPOYW:KKE

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 03:07:00 -0600

GPOYW:KKE
Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Wednesday: Kunta Kinte Edition

The title is apt, you see, because I have roots. So, kiss them goodbye; I have a date with some scissors and highlights. I have to look good for my pilgrimage to Jeff, you know.

Note to Self

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:07:25 -0600

Please try to remember to throw yourself a 40th birthday party in 2026 and have it UB40 themed. You can listen to “Red, Red Wine” all night and watch people try to figure out the genius behind it all.

Note to dummies: It’s genius because it’s UB40, and I’ll be 40.

Things Only 3 People Want to Know

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 01:25:23 -0600

How many times have you fallen in love?

Being the eternal optimist when it comes to romance, I used to think I was always in love. Looking realistically at my past and present, I feel confident saying I’ve fallen in love twice. Once, it ended badly. The second time, well, I’m loving every minute of it. :)

the perfect plain, nude shoes are at target. i literally pulled out my phone to call you and tell you, then realized i don’t have your number.

HOLY CRAP. I’m on it like a bonnet.

Where does this long distance love live?

This boy lives a little north of Chicago. Oh, yes, this means he coexists with frigid temperatures that result in unthinkable activities like frickin’ ice fishing. If this question is being asked because of a previous question regarding whether or not I’d move to be with him, then let me tell you this. Chicago has a good support system for me there; friends and family alike live in the city or in the ‘burbs surrounding. However, the boy and I have discussed the possibility of (if things should get truly serious) choosing a neutral city. This way, one didn’t move for the other…we moved to be with each other. But, we’ll see. I think I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…but that’s what I do, I suppose.

Ask your own questions here. Inappropriate inquiries welcome, too!

Oh, Mom...

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:46:08 -0600

Mom attempts a joke utilizing Jeff’s Jewish background.

Me: Do you think his mom will like me?
Mom: Yeah, she’ll like you…even though you’re a shitska.
Me: You mean shiksa?
Mom: No, I meant shitska.

Reasons I Know.

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:22:00 -0600

Pepperoncini
Earlobes
Beautiful Ls
Aligned goals
Faith
Heritage
Compulsions
Openness
Toyota
Artsy fartsy
Trust
Postcards
Coffee shops
Attraction
Pets
Everything

And when I say everything, I certainly don’t mean nothing.

Dogs...What Else?

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:04:00 -0600

Kava and Savannah have new collars! I was being a complete Facebook creep and saw that my college roommate and long-distance BFF, Nikkie, recommended a great Etsy store to her sister, Shellie, that specializes in cutesy-wootsy dog collars. So, asking permission to steal their Etsy findings first, I swooped in and ordered these handmade felt florals:

(Thank heavens I’m going to get some highlights next week; these ashen roots are getting out of control.)

Distraction From Ranting

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:53:00 -0600

Which one of your friend’s boyfriend/husbands (current or past) have you found to be the most attractive?

I sincerely hope this is being asked by Matt or Sean (the husbands of my dear Ashley and Kendra, respectively). Alas, I doubt this is the case. I’ll try to be honest here, but I’m sort of at a loss. I tend to look at friends’ partners as off-the-market types. Hmmm…I do remember being envious of my friend, Grace, a LONG time ago. This was back when she was dating a boy named John, who was imported to Alabama from California. John was soon hired at the coffee shop where I worked, and the hots were dropped. Sure, he’s a hunk…but he’s like a brother to me, and that’s just weird. But yeah, for a moment, the mysterious California man with tattoos and mutton chops caused me to stare. Johnboy, please don’t barf on me if you read this.

Would you move to be with your new, long distance love?

We all know that I love my home in southern Alabama so much. It would be incredibly difficult to move away from my family, and I would be bummed to live in a less hot and humid climate. However, if my “new, long distance love” didn’t want to call this his home, too, then I guess Kava and I’d be packing our bags. I really can’t deny (as corny, harried, and ridiculous as this sounds to most sane people) that he is my perfect match as a person. If I’m lucky enough to have realized this in an old friend, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to keep him for good…and if that should happen, I’d go to the ends of the earth to be with him. How’s that for crazy?

Roseanne or Clone High?

Okay, you evil inquisitor…clearly, you know me well. And clearly, you want me to make the hardest decision of my life. Let me see if breaking it down will cause me to decide…

Clone High: Tragically short-lived. Unbelievably brilliant. Some historical knowledge necessary, which gives me an air of smarmy superiority (well, just being honest). Animated. Voices include Donald Faison.

Roseanne: Revolutionary. Clever as hell. JOHN GOODMAN. Oh, but there was that last season…terrible. Fun Halloween episodes. Gay rights support. Oh, but there was Tom Arnold…terrible. But, really, JOHN GOODMAN.

Oh, I don’t know. They’re too different to compare. I love them both so much; it’s like asking me to choose my favorite child.

Ask me a thang, if you feel so inclined.

It's Miley!

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 03:01:12 -0600

So, this just happened. I was considering making cupcakes tomorrow, but then I remembered that I could just go buy a peanut butter pie from The Oyster House. So there I was, thinking, Pie or cake? Then, I suddenly realized I could actually have both. Immediately thereafter, I belted out, “You get the BEESSSSSST of both worlds!”

I’ve got to take a break from babysitting. And from the rest of my Miley-filled life.

Formspringin' It

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:00:00 -0600

Top five tumbleblogs?

In no particular order:
- buildingaladder.tumblr.com
- withoutmelissa.tumblr.com
- hipincognito.tumblr.com
- aliceintumblerland.tumblr.com
- itsallinmyhead.tumblr.com
- reallykatie.tumblr.com
- nogreatillusion.tumblr.com

Oh, was that seven? Oops. Well, really, I could go on and on. I think I love the above blogs so much because I feel close to all the ladies who write them. I can’t explain it. I also really like thisiswhyyourefat and blackandwtf, too. Oh, gosh. And I hate lists like this because I don’t want to offend. Basically, if I follow you, you’re tops to me; I’m sort of picky.

What is your favorite book and why? By the way, you don’t have to say the Bible. God won’t be offended.

I’m down with G-O-D (yeah, you know me) and all, but I wouldn’t have gone the Bible route for favorite books. Actually, I’m sort of wishy-washy. Of course, The Catcher in the Rye is on the list. That was the first or second novel I read all the way through in one sitting, I think (the other being Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk…not a favorite). But then, since I was little, I always really loved Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild. But now, I got really touched by Love That Dog by Sharon Creech, which is a story told only in the poems a kid named Jack wrote in class. It follows his interest in poetry from dislike to passion. Plus, it highlights his relationship with his deceased pet. It’s really great, and it’s a quick read so you don’t have to go to sleep wondering what happens next. Also, I was completely pleased with the Harry Potter series. Meh. There you go, for now.

What your favorite article of clothing/ accessory? Why?

Easy! My vintage brown leather riding boots. I was in New Orleans three years ago (probably to the day), and I stopped dead in my tracks in front of the Urban Outfitters store. In the window, under some outfit I never even noticed, were some worn brown boots. I went in immediately and asked about them. The girl working there told me that they were from the 1980s and were sent to the store for display only. Of course, I offered to buy them. She was like, “They’re really small, but if they fit, we can give them to you for $78.” I squished my size six foot in them; they’re probably five-and-a-halfs. I had them ring me up. Now, I have had the flat, wooden heels redone twice and the leather retreated three times. I will nurse these babies to health for as long as I can; they look cute with everything, and I always wanted vintage riding boots.

What is your favorite insult (word, phrase, sentence)? by hipincognito

You know, I don’t know if I’d call it my favorite, but the one I use in retort most frequently is “your butt.”

“You look like crap today.”
“Your butt.”

I mean, does that even make sense? Nope. However, it’s been engrained in me since second grade…so it has been grandfathered in as my best cut-down.

Ask me something ridiculous and anonymous.

I Know You Guys Don't Care

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 10:00:00 -0600

Bobbleheads or Precious Moments?

Precious Moments, ahahaa! Actually, when I was a kid in the late 1980s, Precious Moments were very coveted. My Bible is Precious Moments, no less. I only bought one bobblehead in my life, and it was a Christmas 2009 gift for my stepdad. It was a bobblehead of a dog that looked exactly like Savannah. It is now on his bedstand. But, to answer your question…neither. You think I have room for tacky crap in my tiny apartment?

What would you do if your husband was sperminally challenged but refuses to admit it/do anything about it?

Sperminally challenged, eh? Well, if he refuses to admit it…it makes it sound like I’m trying to force him into humiliation, which I wouldn’t do. If he’s embarrassed about it, then we will approach it delicately. If he won’t do anything about it…well, what does this mean exactly? He’s refusing to adopt or something? Well, then he’s in trouble. But I know the man I marry will share my desire to have kids at any cost, so there you go.

Pistachios?

Yes.

Ask your own ridiculous, anonymous questions here.

Help a Puppy Out, Yo.

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 02:49:00 -0600

Look at this puppy. Look at this little, tiny, itty, bitty, baby puppy. Do you know what she really wants? Would you like to know her dream? It’s to win Bissell’s Pet Photo Contest.

Yes indeed, Kava has somehow convinced me to enter her into the contest. She mostly convinced me with her big, brown eyes…but she also told me that if she wins a prize, we could pick a pet charity to which Bissell would donate money. Also, we would get a few more little treats — like a pet vacuum! Kava’s beautiful black fur isn’t nearly as exquisite lying atop our white carpet, so this would really be terrific.

Please, please, please help us win by voting here:

If you do, I promise I will help you win any contest, fill out any survey for your sociology class, or let you borrow our pet vacuum.

You can vote once per day, so let’s make this happen! It’s Kava’s dream to win, after all.

Thank you!!!

For anyone who cannot link via button:
http://www.bissell.com/mvp_PetDetail.aspx?id=8590046822

Dream Team

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:08:11 -0600

This morning, while you all were already up and at ‘em, I was still dreaming. My, what a dream! I dreamt that Jesus and the Twelve Apostles were having their school pictures taken. I mean, it was exactly like when you were standing in line back in your middle school days! Some lady was handing out combs, Peter was making fun of James, and the photographer was adverting eyes slightly to the left of the lens. The group shot was the most awkward; getting all those halos in the frame was certainly a challenge.

Blog Filler, Essentially

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:00:00 -0600

If I farted on your head would I call you a farthead?

Well, if you’re using Andy Milonakis logic, then don’t. If you’re not, then yeah, okay. Call me a farthead.

How do you feel about the Alice In Wonderland remake?

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about Tim Burton. It could be said that he’s sort of a one-trick pony as far as goth-chic, tongue-in-cheek movies go. Then he made Big Fish, and Big Fish is my favorite movie. So, this new Alice film could go either way: cliche Burton or possibly interesting and refreshing. Of course, Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp make me want to die (not in a good way) as they are cast again together. Johnny Depp in general just doesn’t do it for me as an actor. Also, I hate all of this merchandise coming out of the woodwork…it’s cheapening my cute Alice and Wonderland antiques and dishes. Blah blah. In general, I don’t like the idea of an Alice “sequel,” as this is her return to Wonderland. Since I was a kid, I’ve been very partial to the whole Lewis Carroll and Disney versions of the tale…but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll like it.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Let me put it to you this way. If you had the opportunity to confuse, annoy, or prank an entire country, wouldn’t you do it? The namer(s) of these things saw this chance, and they took it. End of story.

Ask your own ridiculous, anonymous questions here.

Mulan Revisited

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:27:19 -0600

You guys remember that I do costume work every now and then, right? So you recall my helping out Jitterbug Theatre Productions with Mulan, Jr.? Excellent!

Well, great news. Mulan, Jr. was selected to be one of three shows to be performed at the Southeastern Theatre Conference’s Theatre for Youth Festival, the largest conference in the United States. (Can you tell that I just finally looked up all the details?)

In one part of the play, with which you may be familiar thanks to Disney, some soliders of the Chinese army disguise themselves as women in order to save the Emperor from the Huns. In the original performances Jitterbug put on, we had the fellas don cheongsams sloppily, which was really funny. However, the director, Erin Langley, wanted to spice up the looks for these characters for the big day in Lexington, Kentucky on March 4th. (Yes, Katie, I said Lexington! Go support the Alabama youth!) These are a few of the gaudy/humorous headdresses I put together tonight, and please excuse my lack of looking decent:

Confucius say they look better on stage.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I got an amazing package in the mail from the out-of-towner. I am now the proud owner of this, his high school senior shirt. It smells so nice, you guys.

Cynicism is powerful. I used to commiserate with this song to...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 11:00:00 -0600

Cynicism is powerful. I used to commiserate with this song to the point of crying while singing it. I felt like I was looking everywhere for the right person, but all the while I honestly believed that I would never find someone with anything that resembled a heart of gold. I figured I would end up settling for someone, someway, somehow. No good people in the world was just a fact to be accepted.

I find myself with a new perspective these days. I can finally look around and see beauty in so many and so much. I never had faith that the wholly good-natured type of people, like the one I found, existed.

There are no ulterior motives. No secrets. No lies. There’s compatibility, trust, openness, and acceptance— no matter how bizarre or socially unacceptable. There’s the striving for making each other’s day a little better…the only serf-serving benefit being the happiness you caused. I still can’t believe that someone actually thinks about me throughout the day in the same excessive manner as I think about him. The eagerness to hear the next word or receive the next email or text message has you at the edge of your seat all day.

I know this is new and all, but I really feel this is the most genuine experience of my life. I can’t wait to see where I end up.

Text Messages with Allyson

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600

Allyson: What’s the name of the nasty guy in hp Who’s the blonde kid’s dad? He was also the douche in the patriot.
Me: Lucius Malfoy.
Allyson: This is why i keep you around.
Me: Lifeline for HP trivia? AWESOME-ASS.
Allyson: This is what i’m sayin’.

Looking For Answers

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:30:00 -0600

Whenever I find myself in need of answers, I know there are several places to turn. I could always talk to my family, my friends, and — of course — God. Today, I was contemplating moving away from my home of twenty-two years. I’ve done it before, and I do always get homesick and return to my hot, humid climate. On the other hand, there are things that I cannot get in a small town that I would like to have readily available to me.

Somehow, though, The Great Answerer came to me when I was researching Chicago and San Francisco. He said:

“The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake. You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you…right here on the ocean floor! Such wonderful things around you; what more are you looking for?”

Sebastian, I know what you mean. I live in a damn utopia, it’s true. However, I think you’re overlooking a few things. I could probably find somewhere to eat at 3am that isn’t Waffle House. I might be okay with trading my warm, wonderful weather and white sand beaches for social events and culture. Oh, I don’t know. I’ll be on the fence forever if someone doesn’t kick me off it soon.

Welcome Back, Depression

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:43:00 -0600

I starting watching episodes of Welcome Back, Kotter last night to lull me to sleep. I have to admit, it’s been pretty amazing to reunite with Gabe “Mr. Kot-taire” Kotter, Washington, Epstein, Horshack, and the drool-worthy Vinny Ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbarino. However, I have a new pity for Mr. Kotter that was brought on entirely by the lyrics of the theme song.

“Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out…”

Looks like your dreams failed you, Gabe. Was it that you spent too much time on your absurd family anecdotes that you never made it big? And why did you return to teach at your high school if it’s such a bummer? You could just as easily move somewhere else, you know. I mean, those Sweathogs weasel their way out of being taught anyway. Between some weird telethon or simple changing of the subject…these kids never finish a lecture or test. Gabe, get in the car and go somewhere less distracting to teach. Plus, if you reminisce about your time on the varsity basketball team while alone in your classroom again, my eyes are going to roll right out of my head.

Reason for Celebration

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:19:00 -0600

Forget Presidents’ Day and Fat Tuesday…let’s all bow down to Juliette Gordon Low! That’s right: it’s Girl Scout Cookie time, and I’m already sleeping atop crumbs in my bed.

I ordered the new Dulce de Leche cookies, and I was pleasantly surprised that it came with more than fifteen per box. They’re pretty delicious, too. Of course, I had to buy a box of caramel, chocolate, and coconut-encrusted Samoas (pictured above) to satiate my childhood desire.

I have been asking this since 2005, but WHERE IN THE HELL DID THE TRIPLE DUTCH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES GO?! They were my favorite, but their lifespan was only about two years. Is there a warehouse of these expired, rejected cookies somewhere? I will buy the lot.