When I was in preschool, we had Show & Tell every Friday. I usually brought my doll, Catherine Jayne Mary (a very superfluous and Ladies-of-Henry VIII thing to name a doll when you’re three), every single week. I’d tell the same story about how she had honest-to-goodness Nursery Magic, and she was not just a toy. One week, however, I forgot her. Because I have always been pretty good in “Oh Crap” situations, I decided to introduce everyone to my first boyfriend.



Who is that, you ask? Well, he is the terror that flaps in the night; he is Darkwing Duck.

I proceeded to tell my classmates with amazing conviction that he and I were “going steady”. I told them we went on dates and we loved each other. I think some of them believed me, but Mrs. Donna probably thought I was nuts. A furry-in-training.

It does sort of weird me out that I have had a few crushes on cartoon characters growing up. When I saw Chip from Rescue Rangers at Disney World, I was so flustered with emotions. And even now, sometimes I’ll sit down with an animation, and I’ll be all, “Daaang, boy’s fly.”



Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t totally date Zeus if he could translate into a real human being. 

I guess that I can sum up this brief First with a few points:

• I was a straight-up liar in preschool.
• Though not a furry, I could have easily passed as one.
• You know Zeus is hot.
• You never forget your first love.