Year: 1999 - 2000
School: Christ the King School
Grade: Seventh
Homeroom Teacher: Mrs. Riley

Greatest Accomplishments:

1. I fell asleep during a Civics class, and I opened my eyes to my very angry, very British teacher mouthing, “WAKE. UP.” accompanied by her pissiest face. Without thinking, I feigned a look of weakness and said, “I don’t feel very well…” She quickly changed her face to Worry and/or Maternal and said, “Oh!” while quickly switching on the fan. “Lay your head down on your desk,” she said. And I happily continued my nap. This would set the precedent for all of high school.

2. I decided that ringlets were a good look for me. I wore them on the last day of school, and there were copious amounts of pictures taken to commemorate my Shirley Temple ode. I would show you some examples, but I’m pretty sure they were all destroyed once I learned the definition of “fug”.

3. I accidentally cheated on a guy. Yes, that’s the true story, and I’m stickin’ to it. See, I agreed to be an *~eighth grader~*’s girlfriend (setting another precedent: bias towards older men). Then, I went to a seventh grade party on Dauphin Island, and I was sulking alone on the beach while everyone else was playing Spin The Bottle. A guy, who shall remain nameless, came and sat with me. THEN HE KISSED ME. Whaaaa? Totally. So, like the idiot I am, I told my boyfriend. Then, he commended me for my honesty, stayed with me for countless years, and now we are married with twins. Or he dumped me and then threw a football at my face at school. Yeah, the latter. Definitely the latter. And catching a football with your mouth is even better when you have braces.