Which one of your friend’s boyfriend/husbands (current or past) have you found to be the most attractive?

I sincerely hope this is being asked by Matt or Sean (the husbands of my dear Ashley and Kendra, respectively). Alas, I doubt this is the case. I’ll try to be honest here, but I’m sort of at a loss. I tend to look at friends’ partners as off-the-market types. Hmmm…I do remember being envious of my friend, Grace, a LONG time ago. This was back when she was dating a boy named John, who was imported to Alabama from California. John was soon hired at the coffee shop where I worked, and the hots were dropped. Sure, he’s a hunk…but he’s like a brother to me, and that’s just weird. But yeah, for a moment, the mysterious California man with tattoos and mutton chops caused me to stare. Johnboy, please don’t barf on me if you read this.

Would you move to be with your new, long distance love?

We all know that I love my home in southern Alabama so much. It would be incredibly difficult to move away from my family, and I would be bummed to live in a less hot and humid climate. However, if my “new, long distance love” didn’t want to call this his home, too, then I guess Kava and I’d be packing our bags. I really can’t deny (as corny, harried, and ridiculous as this sounds to most sane people) that he is my perfect match as a person. If I’m lucky enough to have realized this in an old friend, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to keep him for good…and if that should happen, I’d go to the ends of the earth to be with him. How’s that for crazy?

Roseanne or Clone High?

Okay, you evil inquisitor…clearly, you know me well. And clearly, you want me to make the hardest decision of my life. Let me see if breaking it down will cause me to decide…

Clone High: Tragically short-lived. Unbelievably brilliant. Some historical knowledge necessary, which gives me an air of smarmy superiority (well, just being honest). Animated. Voices include Donald Faison.

Roseanne: Revolutionary. Clever as hell. JOHN GOODMAN. Oh, but there was that last season…terrible. Fun Halloween episodes. Gay rights support. Oh, but there was Tom Arnold…terrible. But, really, JOHN GOODMAN.

Oh, I don’t know. They’re too different to compare. I love them both so much; it’s like asking me to choose my favorite child.

Ask me a thang, if you feel so inclined.