If I farted on your head would I call you a farthead?

Well, if you’re using Andy Milonakis logic, then don’t. If you’re not, then yeah, okay. Call me a farthead.

How do you feel about the Alice In Wonderland remake?

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about Tim Burton. It could be said that he’s sort of a one-trick pony as far as goth-chic, tongue-in-cheek movies go. Then he made Big Fish, and Big Fish is my favorite movie. So, this new Alice film could go either way: cliche Burton or possibly interesting and refreshing. Of course, Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp make me want to die (not in a good way) as they are cast again together. Johnny Depp in general just doesn’t do it for me as an actor. Also, I hate all of this merchandise coming out of the woodwork…it’s cheapening my cute Alice and Wonderland antiques and dishes. Blah blah. In general, I don’t like the idea of an Alice “sequel,” as this is her return to Wonderland. Since I was a kid, I’ve been very partial to the whole Lewis Carroll and Disney versions of the tale…but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll like it.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Let me put it to you this way. If you had the opportunity to confuse, annoy, or prank an entire country, wouldn’t you do it? The namer(s) of these things saw this chance, and they took it. End of story.

Ask your own ridiculous, anonymous questions here.