I starting watching episodes of Welcome Back, Kotter last night to lull me to sleep. I have to admit, it’s been pretty amazing to reunite with Gabe “Mr. Kot-taire” Kotter, Washington, Epstein, Horshack, and the drool-worthy Vinny Ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbarino. However, I have a new pity for Mr. Kotter that was brought on entirely by the lyrics of the theme song. 

“Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out…”

Looks like your dreams failed you, Gabe. Was it that you spent too much time on your absurd family anecdotes that you never made it big? And why did you return to teach at your high school if it’s such a bummer? You could just as easily move somewhere else, you know. I mean, those Sweathogs weasel their way out of being taught anyway. Between some weird telethon or simple changing of the subject…these kids never finish a lecture or test. Gabe, get in the car and go somewhere less distracting to teach. Plus, if you reminisce about your time on the varsity basketball team while alone in your classroom again, my eyes are going to roll right out of my head.