Forget Presidents’ Day and Fat Tuesday…let’s all bow down to Juliette Gordon Low! That’s right: it’s Girl Scout Cookie time, and I’m already sleeping atop crumbs in my bed. 

I ordered the new Dulce de Leche cookies, and I was pleasantly surprised that it came with more than fifteen per box. They’re pretty delicious, too. Of course, I had to buy a box of caramel, chocolate, and coconut-encrusted Samoas (pictured above) to satiate my childhood desire.

I have been asking this since 2005, but WHERE IN THE HELL DID THE TRIPLE DUTCH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES GO?! They were my favorite, but their lifespan was only about two years. Is there a warehouse of these expired, rejected cookies somewhere? I will buy the lot.