I was driving home the other night, and I was deep in thought at a red light. I was thinking of what you should do if you’re in a potential rape situation. I remembered that you’re supposed to crap your pants in order to shoo off your attacker, and I was doubting my ability to crap myself on command. After a few long minutes of detailed pondering and reasoning, I remembered that crapping your pants is what you do if you’re getting attacked by a bear…

…but it may work in both scenarios.