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Dear Victoria’s Secret,
Why do you only sell beautiful things that are not my size? Why must 34B be the smallest you have available? Some girls sized, oh I don’t know, 32A would like to feel pretty under their boring t-shirts or work dresses, too. In fact, having chests that are equivalent to those of overweight, pre-pubescent males is all the more reason to have frilly things. Until you change your ways, Vicky, I’ll have to buy the larger size and look like a toddler who stumbled upon her mother’s lingerie drawer, fine. I’m sure that will bring all the boys to my yard.
Yours,
A
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