I’m the first person to cringe when someone starts offering unsolicited religious anecdotes or advice. I’m the last person to ever push my beliefs on anyone. That being said, what I’m going to share today is not religious — it’s observation and comparison. If you can benefit from it, fabulous. If you think I’m still just spewing Jesus garbage, then forget about it.

I have been wanting a lot of answers since Kyle broke up with me, the event which will herein be referred to as The Devastation. Luckily, I’m strong enough to actually go seek the answers. I have weekly therapy sessions, which opened my eyes to my problem. I just started going to a certain support group, which is giving me comfort, empathy, and insight. Today, I joined two great friends at their church, which gives me hope.

The reading today was one I heard a million times as a Catholic girl. It was the story of ol’ Jesus on the boat when the big storm comes. If you’re unfamiliar, the gist is that the boat is rocking somethin’ awful, and the apostles are freaking out. There’s Jesus just sleeping through it. They wake him up, and he makes the sea calm.

Normally, I would be thinking, Oh, that Jesus with his superior powers. What does this have to do with me?

Well, with my newfound knowledge of my codependency, I know what the story means to me. See, I always stressed myself sick if I saw Kyle making a decision that I deemed “bad.” If I gave advice, he probably wouldn’t take it — even if I “knew better than he did.” I would worry and worry and worry until I got angry, resentful, and depressed. That’s a miserable person to have to deal with…poor Kyle…poor ME.

This Bible reading today was making it clear that I myself am the calm in the storm. It’s up to ME to make things less chaotic. It’s up to ME to make things better for myself. You have to let everyone else’s storms ride out for themselves. You can’t stop their storms…but I can choose to end the storms affecting me. In the story, Jesus could have been wigging out about the lightning and waves, but he just let it go. He didn’t wig; he just did what had to be done to restore the peace.

I am learning to let go. If someone needs to hit rock bottom before they start making good decisions, I must let them. I can only save myself.