Me: What’s this thing? I don’t like it.
Dermatologist: Oh, it’s just a tiny, little mole.
Me: Uck.
Dermatologist: Yeah, nobody tells you, but you just keep getting more moles as you age.
Me: Swell.

Moles are not even the worst part of growing up. Lately, I’ve been having urges to do a lot of my old favorite pastimes, but I am scared away from them due to four little words:

tried as an adult.