December 2010
19 posts
13 tags
Pale Gals: Ideal for Hawaiian Shoots
I got this little note on my Facebook Wall from my younger cousin in Ohio: And I was like, “What? You saw that? Oh my goodness. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so embarrassed, but I really appreciate your compliment.” Just kidding. I totally sent a copy of the magazine to my grandma so she would show my northern family. Because I’m an annoying butthole like that....
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Mom on Acceptance
Mom: (to her dog) Savannah, you are such a good boy! Me: Uhhh, girl. She’s a girl. Mom: No, she wants to be a boy dog. We discussed it. So, she’s a boy.
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An Elephant Would Never!
Turned on the shower. Hopped in. Felt like something was wrong. Saw my elastic hairband still on my wrist. Took it off. Threw it on the bathroom counter. Showered. Let a full minute pass. Realized I was still wearing my bra.
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Merry Christmas!
Ten year-old girl I babysit: You need to hurry up and get married and have kids so you can have fun on Christmas again. She’s figured me out. Oh, well. Merry Christmas despite my apparent familyless misery. Love, The Crazy Dog Lady
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brandon2nice asked: Yo, I’m @brandon2nice (follow on twitter) , i’m 15, from Atlanta, Georgia.. An i rap. could yo please take a listen to my new video? (; thanks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqSMFsXwU7k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqSMFsXwU7k
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Cannot Pick Up on Social Cues
Alexi: If you stay with me, this will be your future: Boy: prove it Alexi: I’ve already started knitting. WAIT! Are you being cute and sort of telling me to stay with you? Because that makes me blush. Boy: haha Alexi: Was that what you were doing? Boy: haha DUH
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The Great Dadbate
There are some guys in the world that I just love, and I can never decide if I love them enough to be my husband or my dad. I’ve shared this sentiment with several people, and the general consensus is that I’m a deeply disturbed creep with father issues. I disagree, however, based on a few men who make terrific examples. Fig.1 John Goodman (Dadhusbandius giganticus) is a prime member...
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I'm Dreaming of a Practical Christmas
I do appreciate getting random little delights on Christmas, and I acknowledge the fact that my gifts of antique, metal houses for tea candles are a bit unnecessary too. However, this year all I want are the simple things that I need to cross off my own To-Do List. 1. Blue Buffalo Holistic dog food. 30 pound bag. Preferably in Fish and Oatmeal flavor or Fish and Sweet Potato flavor…but the...
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One of Those Days
There are just some days where you go to the newly opened Publix to transfer your prescription so that you get $100 worth of gift cards over the next four months, and you realize that your debit card is missing. You’re thinking it’s no big deal until you check your pockets, and it’s not there, and you’re totally wearing the same pants and coat as yesterday, so...
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Lost His Dang Mind
My mom just called to tell me that my stepdad just bought new shoes, but he accidentally grabbed two different sizes. So he tried to make the smaller one fit by squeezing it on with help from a spoon. Then he put the spoon back in the silverware drawer without washing it. Just thought you should know.
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Sincere Text Post
thatwhitebitch wrote:
I don’t know if y’all read it but Rihanna did an interview with GQ and she said something re: Chris Brown that stuck out to me:
“In my head, it’s gone.”
I was like
because I just had one of those moments where I read someone else’s words and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to articulate.”
I feel like this is what I spent this year discovering.
We spend so...
4 tags
Hap-Happiest Time?
Can I just ask why this is the “most wonderful time of the year”? I mean, I know being a Scrooge isn’t very popular these days, but I really need to know. The other day, I wore two pairs of pants — at once. Because it’s a cold time of the year. The other day, it took me eight times as long as usual to move through a store. Because it’s a crowded shopping time...
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Needy Things
Boy: I’m just another dog to you, aren’t I? The thing about this is that men should hope and pray that they are like a dog to me. These dogs of mine, they get everything. I just spent one hundred forty-something dollars on one, solitary, organic, hypoallergenic bed for Kava. I cuddle these dogs as often as I can. They sleep next to my face. I share a little smidge of all my food with...
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GPOYW:SME
Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Wednesday: Sick Monica Edition Monica: Okay! So, what…what do you want to do? Let’s do something crazy! Chandler: I know! Let’s rest and drink lots of fluids. Monica: Okay, I’ll rest. But you know, if I’m going to bed, then you’re coming with me. Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you weren’t all drippy here. Monica: Are you saying...