Fireworks have always been representational of something magical. As loud and bold as they are, that’s also how romantic they are.

Two years ago, I was in New Orleans for July Fourth. It’s no big deal; New Orleans is just a jump away from Fairhope, and we visited all the time. In fact, it was “our city.”

We walked from our hotel all around downtown. He bought me a margarita on Bourbon Street that tasted exactly like graham crackers. We walked along, sipping our treats, until we hit the river. We stopped to watch some street performers dance and drum. We then reserved our spot on top of a concrete fence to watch the fireworks.

We watched them intently; it’s his favorite holiday after all. We joked and gasped and enjoyed. As the fireworks began to go into the grand finale mode, he turned and kissed me. It was a brief but undeniably beautiful kiss, and it was my first under fireworks. I was swept off my feet.

This is the kind of thing I’ll remember about him: our moments together that rivaled the most perfect scenes in old movies. These memories are what makes life as spectacular as Independence Day.

I believe I failed to mention a pretty ridiculous happening. When I was unpacking the moving truck at the storage unit…I fell off the truck.

Fell. Off. The. Truck.

Who am I?! Either way, I was most upset because my great-grandmother’s chair (which is over 100 years old) was what I was holding when I slipped. It only suffered a small crack. I, on the other hand, have a giant bruised knee, busted toe, and a shrinking ego.

However, my six-year-old self would want you to know that “I didn’t even cry!”

I have tried really hard not to accuse anyone in all these “breakup” writings, but avoiding that may not be as effective as actually saying what I’m about to say.

There is no “bad guy” in this sort of breakup. Nobody cheated. Nobody abandoned. Nobody acted out of retaliation or anger.

It’s human nature to take sides, and in most cases, my readers will feel passionately about the pain I feel. However, it’s so important to remember that this breakup was many events and feelings that came to a zenith. There are two sides to this tale, and neither are the “correct” side. There are absolutely no villains in this scenario.

I have a huge array of emotions that come with this separation. I feel hurt, remorse, envy, despair, anger, and confusion — to name a few. He has many of the same emotions running through him as well. When someone chooses to end a relationship, it doesn’t mean that they don’t experience that same profound sadness. 

Of course, I cannot assume how he feels or speak for him, but I know he’s human. I know ending a serious relationship is not easy. He’s a good guy, and nobody should ever think otherwise.

I only wish him the best in life. I respect his decisions, and I hope he finds everything he wants and needs. His happiness means the world to me. 

I’ll confess. I watched Bride Wars last night. I had to watch it alone because everyone refused to lower themselves to that level. Well, I don’t care! I love weddings, Anne Hathaway, and Kate Hudson! So there!

It was actually sort of therapeutic, surprisingly. Anne Hathaway’s character, Emma, was in a so-so relationship. Of course, the plot called for her to have more at the end in order for the audience to feel fulfilled. Sorry to spoil it, but she ends up not marrying her fiancee. In (literally) the next scene, she was married to a guy who had loved her all along, and she was pregnant.

I was sitting there going, “That was a major relationship! They lived together! Where’s the part where they have to move out? Where’s the part where she has to cope with that loss?”

Naturally, this was all I was thinking about because I’m in my moving out phase. I’m in my coping with my loss phase. I couldn’t believe they didn’t show any of that! I felt like that was what I needed to see.

WRONG!

It dawned on me that the writers left that part out…because it doesn’t matter. Those parts hurt and are completely valid and necessary — but only for a little while. The pain goes away, and you’re left with the next chapter of your life.

So, thanks writers of Bride Wars. It probably wasn’t the message you intended for me to get, but it helped nonetheless.

True happiness is removal. Learn this young, my pretties. It’s taken me almost 23 years to learn this simple but imperative concept. Release, and you shall be released.

Honestly, things work out if you stop trying to force them to work. Are you upset, stressed, unhappy? Remove yourself. I’m not saying to quit or abandon or give up; just remove yourself from the agony. 

Stop worrying. It only makes things worse, and those things you’re worrying about will not cease just because you’re worrying. Take a deep breath. Do NOT let your mind wander through all the horrible possibilities. Go do something that makes you happy.

Think about it. If you’re getting punched, it will hurt worse if you insist on taking the hit. That’s why they say, “roll with the punches.”

At the end of the day, the only thing you are is a solitary person. So, just concern yourself with you! Let everyone else take care of themselves. If they can’t do it, they’ll learn. REMOVE YOURSELF. You will feel like a weight has been lifted.

You live one life, so please make it the best possible. Think before you act — long and hard. If you do what’s smart, safe, and beneficial…well, then you’re always going to come out on top. The future is all you have; don’t destroy it.

As soon as you stop trying to control, you will be relieved from the control you’re under. 

Be free.  

Act as if until it becomes.

Billy Joel isn’t the only one who’s movin’ out. I have to do it tomorrow.

This was the one thing I really, really didn’t want to do. I love my house and all that it stood for. It was my independence, my refuge, a symbol of our commitment…it was my home. Plus, it was my dream house.

I guess what hurts the most is that this breakup is now truly reality, and there’s no turning back. We will separate our things. We will decide who gets what. We will pack away all the photos and trinkets and memories into little boxes and store them in hot, locked rooms — far away from their brother photos and trinkets and memories. I think my postcard album will miss his antique table. They were together almost as long as we were.

I know I’ll always look back fondly on our relationship and time living together; we learned so much. I learned how to clean a house, pay bills, and love unconditionally. It is certainly the end of the biggest thing that was ever present in my life. I will always have a place in my heart for him.

If you live in the area, or you would like to…I have a beautiful Fairhope, Alabama cottage for rent (or for sale)! Located in the coveted Fruit & Nut Section, it’s a few blocks from Mobile Bay and even fewer blocks to Downtown! I deeply enjoyed taking walks down to the bay and to cafès, and you will, too! It’s a quaint, 1940s, 1 bedroom/1 bathroom home with hardwood floors, a clawfoot tub, charming details, and beautiful magnolias and azaleas in the fenced yard. It rents for $825/month (a STEAL by Fairhope standards), and is listed for sale at $265,000!

Remember all the cute photos?
Façade/Living Room
Dining Room
Bedroom
Bathroom
Music Room
Kitchen
Details, Details!

…if it gets rented for July, I can get my deposit back.

A friend of mine, whom I’ve known since kindergarten, is a Marine* at USMMA at King’s Point, New York. He recently had a week off, and he came home to good ol’ Fairhope, Alabama. He invited me to eat sushi, which we had done before in earlier years so I didn’t think much of it.

Well, he asked me to accompany him to his ring ceremony — which is apparently a big deal. There’s a huge ball afterwards, and I’ll get to wear a beautiful gown (well, the same one I wore for the last two years to Mardi Gras balls). My airfare is paid, my hotel is paid, and all I have to worry about is spending money for all the fun! Isn’t that unbelievable?! This is why you should never forget your friends; they’ll be there to make you feel great when you’re down.

 
This is Gotham Hall, in Manhattan, which is where the ball will take place. I’m so intimidated by it.

On the agenda are also the Must-Dos. You know…hail a cab, eat a hot dog from a cart, Statue of Liberty, eat a reuben at a real Jewish deli, Museum of Natural History, MoMA, Central Park, etc. And with the encouragement of Jen, I’ll be looking like this the whole time:

 

I’m also thinking about going on some job interviews. They’re secret, though. I’ll never reveal my career aspirations! It would stress me out if you knew.

* Edit: Below is an excerpt from an email I received from the “Marine:”
I liked your post about NYC. Just one mistake though! I’m not a marine. I’m a midshipman at the USMMA, and will be a 2nd Lieutenant in the Navy/3^rd Mate in the Merchant Marine after graduation.  What’s the Merchant Marine then? It’s the body of U.S. Flagged ships that make up the fleet (About 1000 ships total). FYI.


I’ve never been to New York before, you know. Can I count on the wonderful Tumblr writers to have lunch with me? Also, what things should make the To-Do List?