Dating in 2010:
"I have a hard time falling asleep at night with you in my arms because I want to be sure you’re safe and protected."
Married in 2014:
*head hits pillow; three feet away from me*
Me: *takes medication before going to bed*
Me: *reads that it should be taken with food*
Me: *takes one huge bite out of a cupcake and goes to bed*
If you’re wondering if a person can/will still awake suddenly and burst into a full sprint up some stairs and save a dog from vomiting on the new nursery rug at 3:10am even though she’s 29 weeks pregnant and was sound asleep — the answer is yes.
Remember a few weeks ago when I irrationally cut bangs SOLELY to cover up a massive hormonal breakout on my forehead? You know, the bangs I’ve been pinning back every single day since then because I hate them? Well, since I’ve done that, the only place I don’t have zits is on my forehead.
So if you need to clear up a breakout that even dermatologists say there’s nothing you can do about — just apply Murphy’s Law.